Dear Coleen
As a woman in my forties who is divorced, I’ve recently experienced a significant lifestyle change.
After downsizing to a smaller residence with my three children following the sale of our family home, my financial situation has become tighter. Despite working part-time to prioritize being there for my kids, my income is limited.
My former spouse, who runs a successful business, provided a certain lifestyle that included a large home, luxury car, and disposable income for vacations, clothing, and social activities.
My current challenge revolves around dating a man I met through a dating app. While he is wonderful, I struggle to keep up with his financial capacity for outings. I feel uncomfortable admitting my financial constraints and hesitate to let him cover expenses, resulting in declining his invitations frequently.
Acknowledging that my situation is relatively privileged with my children’s well-being secured and a roof over our heads, I am perplexed by the dynamics of reentering the dating scene. Broaching the topic of finances with someone new feels awkward, and I seek guidance on navigating this issue.
Coleen advises
In this situation, honesty is paramount and there’s no shame in being upfront. Initiating a simple conversation, such as expressing caution with spending post-divorce, can alleviate any pressure on your partner to cover expenses.
Transparency in the early stages of a relationship is crucial. If he offers to pay, consider accepting graciously. Given your circumstances as a single parent with limited resources, he likely comprehends your financial constraints without you explicitly stating them.
When feasible, reciprocate gestures by inviting him for a casual outing or preparing a special meal at home. Avoid overthinking the situation and creating unnecessary barriers.
Ultimately, if the individual prioritizes financial compatibility over understanding your circumstances, it may indicate a misalignment of values. Many individuals in similar situations face dating challenges post-divorce, and a considerate partner will empathize with your position. Best of luck.
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