Dear Coleen
In my circle of friends, there is a woman I’ve known since our school days who had a reputation for being attractive and popular but often displayed unkind behavior.
Although I now keep my distance from her, I maintain a close friendship with her sister, a situation that might not sit well with her. At a recent birthday celebration I hosted, I felt obligated to invite her, given the presence of our mutual friends. I strive to avoid being exclusionary.
However, staying true to her character, she spent the evening either ignoring me or delivering thinly veiled, hurtful remarks disguised as jokes, which were far from amusing, especially on my special day.
Consequently, I have distanced myself from her sister due to my inability to tolerate the negativity and the negative impact she has on my self-esteem. It saddens me, but I prioritize my well-being and refuse to subject myself to such negativity.
Should I address the issue with her or her sister, or is it best to let them both go? Although our children attend the same nursery, creating some awkwardness, I believe I can socialize with our other friends without her presence. I value your perspective on this matter.
Coleen says
If interacting with her is detrimental to your peace of mind and enjoyment, it may be wise to disengage. You can engage with your other friends, including her sister, individually or in smaller gatherings.
At this stage in your life, there is no obligation to include anyone at your gatherings who does not contribute positively to your life. The social pressures of school no longer apply, and you should not feel compelled to adhere to them.
It appears that breaking free from the roles established during school days is challenging for all involved, signaling a need for assertiveness or moving on.
If you distance yourself and her sister inquires about the change, you have an opportunity to express your feelings honestly, stating that you do not share a harmonious relationship with her sister, especially considering the negative impact on your birthday celebration. This may lead to understanding and preserve your friendship, or it might result in her sister choosing to support her sibling.
The saying, “People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime,” applies here, suggesting that some friendships from school fall into the “season” category, allowing for natural distancing without guilt.
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