Dear Coleen
I am writing to seek advice regarding my relationship with my partner as we are experiencing challenges living together despite having two young children aged four and two.
We have noticed that taking time apart improves our relationship dynamics, but tensions resurface once we are back under the same roof. While we have a strong bond, cohabitation is proving to be a significant source of stress for us at this stage of our lives.
Our disagreements often stem from our differing approaches to parenting. He tends to be more traditional and strict, whereas I lean towards a more laid-back and liberal style, leading to frequent arguments, compounded by the demands of balancing work and family responsibilities.
Recently, we have discussed the possibility of living separately while maintaining our relationship. While unconventional, we believe this arrangement might be beneficial for us.
Do you know of other families in similar setups? My mother is concerned that this decision might result in my partner shirking childcare responsibilities and pursuing his own interests, as she is not his biggest supporter.
We both feel the need for personal space, which is challenging to achieve in our current living situation with two young children.
Coleen’s advice
You inquired about couples with children living apart, a scenario commonly observed among divorced or separated couples. Variations in parenting styles are typical in relationships and often involve one parent being more authoritative than the other.
Raising children is demanding, and it can strain even the strongest relationships. It is not uncommon to feel overwhelmed by the changes children bring into a partnership.
Taking breaks to recharge and reset is essential, but opting for a permanent separation might have lasting consequences. It is crucial to establish clear boundaries and expectations if you decide to pursue living separately.
Your mother’s concerns about your partner’s behavior post-separation are valid. It is essential to ensure shared parenting responsibilities to avoid conflicts and misunderstandings.
Consider how witnessing each other’s independent activities might affect your emotions and the impact it could have on your relationship. Additionally, reflect on how this arrangement might influence your children’s perceptions and well-being as they grow up.
Alternatively, you could explore options to reconnect as a couple by arranging childcare and taking breaks together. Communication and mutual understanding are key in navigating this challenging phase in your relationship.
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